Here’s a story of the most heinous of shites.
A mighty bog battle, the worst of all fights.

I had never suffered such a crippling strain.
A wicked southward, insufferable pain.

It woke me from pleasant and caring dreams.
And turned to nightmares of brown creams.

It all began on a fateful night just like this one.
Rectum torn and misshapen, left half a bum.

Stirred from slumber, ripped from relaxation…
Stomach had spawned The Devil’s creation.

I used all my upper strength to crawl from bed.
Dared not use legs, pretended they were dead.

But once seated I faced another hurdle.
I couldn’t shift the inner brown curdle.

I had mounted the loo firmly on the throne.
But alas! No movement from my tailbone!

I pushed and heaved and arched my back.
I gotta be rid of what’s up my crack.

No solace, no calm and no relief.
Constipation, the name of my grief.

Then it all got worse and again came the pain.
Agony increased while the rectal refrained.

A twist, a turn, a clench of my gut.
A knot was being tied in my butt.

Again I tried and I steeled my resolve.
Focusing energy upon my butthole.

But no movement, nothing would budge.
Had it turned to glue, a sticky fudge?

Imprisoned forever in the limbo of loo.
With rock hard stubborn number two.

A deep breath, a sigh and a whimper.
Was I to die here, no pickle to crimper?

Then I clenched my teeth and my fist.
“I must tick this off my shit list.”

Now it’s a vendetta, a revenge outing.
It might all end with some shouting.

And here it comes, it’s finally crowning!
Butthole stretched, my face is frowning.

Dilation is enormous, I begin to wail.
But mustn’t pass out, I must not fail.

Movement is slow like a stream roller.
I try to picture a river of gross cola.

Then the torrent finally breaks the levee.
I hear a thud, “Damn! This shit’s heavy!”

The pipes shake and rattle, yet hold for now.
But the southern feeling makes me scowl.

Finally I’m all done, I wipe and dare not stay.
Cos the stench is a story for another day!