This is a tale to lament the porcelain gleam.
Now met its end by lumps of brown and green.

Once this porcelain glistened with angelic shine…
Now stained unclean like Satan’s behind.

But it’s not all misery and sickening guts.
Cos here’s a way to combat those awful butts!

When you’ve dumped heinously with your rectal blaster…
Cleaning requires a wipe only few can master.

It’s the Double Handed Wipe, and it can save your life.
Used when your crack is caked with gooey strife.

The extra hand gives better grip and force.
So you can be rid of that greasy brown sauce.

Only a single wipe, maybe a second for good measure.
Your chute will be free from sickly stubborn treasure.

“But what about the bowl?” I hear you all ask.
I’m sorry but that’s too gross of a task!