I’m Out of Order

I have a disease. Well, it’s more of a sickness.
I block toilets with turds of mammoth thickness.

No matter where I poop the results have been the same.
Overflowing water with an obstruction in the drain.

The first such incident occurred three weeks ago.
A plunger and five flushes were needed to vanquish the foe.

The second incident happened a few days later.
The gigantic specimen consumed all the toilet paper.

Then I pressed the flush and the bowl instantly filled.
Right to the top, on the verge of spill.

At very the last second the water subsided.
The blockage remained so I chose to fight it.

Again I flushed and to my dismay…
The water refilled just the same way.

So I grabbed the brush to force the lump down.
I had success but the brush was now brown.

Just the other day I dropped a five log bomb.
The drain was blocked and made a sickening pong.

So I quickly flushed and I hoped for the best.
But it ended with my boots getting messed.

After grabbing the brush I forced it down.
Again I flushed but all could do was frown.

Once more the bowl filled up with water.
Yet again I’d sent the toilet out of order.

Just this morning while I was at work.
As per usual my anus began to twerk.

Stumped, I didn’t quite know what to do.
But I took a chance and went to the loo.

I promptly unloaded a mass of frightening terror.
Would you believe it, this was the critical error.

When the time was right I pressed the flush.
But the turd was certainly in no kind of rush.

Once more the water filled right to the edge!
Now there was no brush to use as a dredge.

By a miracle, the water slowly began to recede.
A welcome sign that the turd was trying to be freed.

So I pressed the flusher while trembling in fear.
And hallelujah! All that was left was a gigantic smear!

Pure Pooetry

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