Three poops in a day is a bit too much.
And it hasn’t helped to soften the touch.

My hole is feeling tender from all those wipes.
I’m also concerned I’ve clogged up the pipes!

As I stagger away from this well-used throne…
I wonder how many dumps this porcelain has known.

Then I recall my first poop of the day…
Right after waking, I left a speckled spray.

The wipe wasn’t great as I had rough papers.
To boot I had to inhale my own rancid vapours.

I followed that up during coffee break number two.
I’ve a hunch this was fuelled by that Charleston Chew.

And I can tell you this one was a right stinker!
It painted my butthole much less pinker.

But that didn’t hinder the coarse wiping experience.
It was getting worse and I was feeling delirious.

Then the third was the worst, the most grievous to date.
It caused an epic stain right out of the gate.

By the time I was wiping again I was nearly in tears.
Immediately following, I needed to down several beers.