I built myself a teleport machine.
Not just to keep my ass nice and clean…
But so I can poop from any distance.
My turds on the path of least resistance.
It will be as if my butt is never seen!
I just open up a swirly sci-fi poo-portal.
And shove my cheeks in with a chortle.
Then release the brown material.
It’s loaded with gross bacterial.
Wherever it ends, you’ll need a snorkel!
It’s just like Sliders, the 90’s TV sci-fi.
Except its fecal in the wormholes that fly.
They travel to other places on Earth.
Some thin, some thick with mighty girth.
Sometimes they fall right outta the sky!
Y’know, originally I was a toilet paper thief.
Using the poo-portal at 2AM became my motif.
The Poolice caught on and I was incacacerated.
But my fecal freedom wouldn’t be doodoo-dictated!
So I broke out, after leaving them a brown beef.
When I’m to release the brown glue…
Downward the fecal falls on through.
Cos I’ve opened a poo-portal on the floor.
Standing over it, wearing no drawers!
I wave farewell to my doodoo-dimensional poo.
So out of nowhere, you may be sitting…
Poohaps at home, like me while I’m shitting!
The poo-portal may open up before your very eyes.
Out pop some rosy cheeks, and then you’ll cry!
A brown crime, these cheeks are committing.
Just like that, brown has slid and crime is done.
But I didn’t waste time by wiping my bum.
This teleportapotty has brought out my worst.
I can’t help randomly doing a pooping outburst.
My pooping Sliders have only just begun!