I’m gonna haveta sign up to one of these gyms.
I’m not dropping enough solid Slim Jims.

I’ve been told you want long firm brown snakes.
Not these gooey, sloppy brown chocolate cakes.

Cos when I do actually release the brown.
The results give my face a very sad frown.

And due to exuberant feasting of nasty food.
My bowels have got the wrong attitude.

It’s led to an accident of shitty proportions.
My cheeks couldn’t contain the fecal abortion.

So now my pants are soiled from the waist down.
There appears to be every shade of brown.

There’s tan, oak, chestnut, chocolate and wet sand.
To think these all came from my southern gland.

Mustard, camo, cedar, sienna and rusty gold.
A stink has risen that can’t be controlled.

Swamp water, jungle flora, mahogany and house brick.
Oh boy, this stench has grown disgustingly thick.

Hickory, khaki, tawny, coffee and caramel.
Be thankful you don’t have to endure this smell!

Bronze, carob, amber, pecan and gingerbread.
Plug your nose, else you won’t be spared!