This golden brown strumpet…
I just blasted with a trumpet.

Glistening in a rusty dark hue…
From my rear it did spew.

And the stink is oh so rank.
Air polluted by doodoo so dank.

But alas the fan is busted.
Cannot erase scent of mustard.

I light a match, but big mistake!
The fumes ignited my tender steak!

A fiery fart woulda been great…
But instead, I have a crispy date!