Around midnight I was awoken by a terrible sound.
A grunting as someone laid a monstrous mound.

At first I was filled with fear and dread.
Such a fright, I nearly shat the bed.

And it wasn’t just the noise that broke my sleep.
For a heinous stench into my nostril did creep.

Such a rude awakening I had to see with my own eyes.
I got up to look and there it sat to my surprise…

A fresh and gooey, teak-coloured glob.
Who was the culprit, who laid this blob?

So grizzly and stinky, I was quite puzzled.
Then I realised the fiend needed a butt-muzzle.

It wasn’t a wild bear that birthed this bog.
It was none other than Fred, my faithful pet dog.