If you need some lessons in pooping, heed The Master.
Here’s some advice to avoid nasty doodoo disaster.
Take your time, don’t blow out your sphincter.
Cos if you do you’ll have a room that’s a stinker.
As a friend, here’s some excellent excreting advice.
To help you when your bowels are in shitty strife.
What you want is to do long brown solid snakes.
Not swamp water or soggy chocolate cakes.
It also helps greatly to hold your knees up high.
This allows your inner pipes to let the fecal fly.
Take it slow, there’s no need to rush.
Flick the lever and out oozes the mush.
And last but not least don’t wipe too hard.
Else you’ll get a smearing of gross brown lard!