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Magic, Pooetry

Time Warp Toilet

Let’s go for a swirl through time!
Just be mindful of the fecal slime.

All you need is a few ingredients.
Be aware this is doodie deviance.

You’ll need bird, rat and cow dung.
Oh and a scoop of your own butt’s bung.

Put in half a roll of clean toilet paper.
We’ll need it to douse the awful flavour.

Pour them all into the porcelain bowl.
Then stir up this crappy casserole.

Don’t fret, we’re not eating anything at all.
Especially the shit that goes through these stalls.

Use the manky toilet brush to mix it up good.
Get your elbow into it just like you should.

Oh wait! There’s one more thing…
Without this it’s all a shitty fling.

Sprinkle a pinch of basil and thyme.
Then chant these words in a rhyme…

“Oh Lord of Poo, grant me your powers.
That I may travel through the fecally hours.
Use the history of poo like a line of time.
Through sands of time send this butt of mine!
Rewind to an ancient time long, long ago…
Where beasts pooed just wherever they’d go.
Now oh Lord, commence this spell!
But, save my nose from the smell!”

Now hit the flush button and await the ride.
Here comes the brown time travelling tide!

EPOOLOGUE

Oh shit, the spell didn’t work!
We forgot to do a butt twerk!

It’s a bit like a tribal rain dance.
It requires a shaking ass prance.

We mucked it all up real good!
Back up comes the ex-food!

A fecal fountain floods upward.
Showering us all, this brown curd.

Spraying everywhere like stinky, soiled rain.
My reputation will forever wear this stain.

Pure Pooetry

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