After a night of indulgence
I heaved and I hoed
Quickly I ran
To the porcelain bowl
to deliver from my anus
An ungodly black troll
I heaved and I pushed
And out came the turd
With relief I felt free
As light as a bird
Then hence I came forth
To wipe my ass
Then to my horror
I stood aghast
Dangling from my rectum
A slinky wet dag
It hung from my coit
Like a sticky black rag
I tried to remove it with
My finger and thumb
But oh did it cling
To my sand paper bum
I wiped and wiped
Still there it hung
I wiped and I swiped
Still there was the dung
I ran out of paper
Now I knew I was done
This persistent shit
Still clung to my bum
Now Inside my pants
The dag still rests
To remind me of that day
This most horrible pest
Why does it haunt me
This horrible poo
The nightmare fecal phantom
Finally come true

Guest pooem by Uncle Fecal