I was in a crowded shop when I felt the pooey pangs.
It was as if Count Dumpula had bitten me with his fangs.

My bowels rumbled and I knew eruption was imminent.
It must’ve been all those coffees, acting as a stimulant.

I shouted “Get outta the way! I’m gonna blow!”
I push past strangers, they go down like brown snow.

Their safety and welfare, I certainly care not.
All that matters to me is this urgent rectal snot.

An elderly lady stands atop the escalator.
I shove her aside and yell “My turd says see ya later!”

Then with all haste, I bolt down to the lower level.
But it’s too late, a brown has slipped out my freckle.