As inappoopriate as this may be…
The following really happened to me.
Or should I say my rear end?
Something ferocious did descend.
A brown that was quite beastly.

I couldn’t stop it, I had lost all control.
Something horrendous had left my hole.
It came as a surprise, it came suddenly.
I tried to silence it, release it subtly.
But failed to tame the feral caca-casserole.

And it brought the ruckus, it roared to life.
Putting my clean undies in terrible strife.
I struggled to find a loo, the threat was real.
I couldn’t help myself, and let out a squeal!
Spare me, monstrously brown wildlife!

Pleading, futile, the monster had arrived.
Thankfully somehow I was still alive.
But my undies, a totally different matter.
All that was left, shreds and tatters.
And a big brown stain on my southern archive.