Every day I’ve a new ache and pain…
And every other, a new brown stain.

It’s not what I expected when I thought of my future.
I thought of fame and fortune, not a spluttering pooper.

And don’t get me started on the way I smell.
No shower can cleanse this unsavoury Hell.

I’m oh so lonely and have no friends.
People always avoid me because of my rear end.

They stare in disgust at the decrepit sight…
As I walk on by, pants stained with shite.

But I’ll show them, just wait and see!
They’ll see real horror when they use the facilities!