Women complain we often miss.
Yet I never felt Posideon’s Kiss.

Cos I’m a dead shot, a winning bullseye. 
I’m a hole in one from my brown eye.

Don’t be jealous that we stand and go. 
It’s the only way to let it the wiz flow.

But I don’t just stand for doing a pee… 
Cos no one air drops quite like me.

That’s right, I don’t sit down at all… 
When taking a dump I’m standing tall!

Sometimes I’ll hover just above the throne. 
Proudly dropping from a safe zone.

Legs arched like a bridge over a lake. 
And out comes a chocolate cake.

Sometimes I’ll fire while by the sink. 
Like a three-pointer from my hole of pink.

I do this because it’s my patriotic duty. 
Standing to attention while firing doodie.

I’ll even salute as each nugget departs.
I’m awarded the brown and purple heart.