Magic, Pooetry

Rectal To The Rescue: Part 1

My fellow poopers, I have a story to tell.
It’s about poop, and also a magic spell.

I was at home tending to my herb garden.
When I let one rip and out loud said “pardon.”

But the stink gave me a strange hallucination.
I heard a pleading voice, some sort of narration.

“Help me Shizhard Wizard! I’m up shit creek!”
It was a ladies voice, and she sounded rather meek.

I grabbed my walking stick and pooping wizard’s hat.
Then trekked in a direction that smelled of scat.

Not long after I got the cramps and the runs.
A quick bush detour and I emptied my buns.

Back to the journey, I could smell something was amiss.
In the air was the fragrance of poo and a bit of piss.

I entered a hidden dark valley that I’d never noticed before.
It was grim and dodgy, and someone was washing their drawers.

I gave them a spell to remove stubborn skid marks.
They didn’t seem grateful, in fact gave me a shitty remark.

“Scram you old fart, we don’t like wizards around here.”
So I cast a spell that made their toilet paper disappear.

They chased me away and I got help from a friendly brown troll.
He was the kind that always kept a clean toilet bowl.

He told me of an evil dragon who’d been kidnapping fair maidens.
This troubled my bowels, and with shitty grief I was laden.

The next morning I said my farewells to the friendly troll.
I hope he didn’t mind I used his last toilet paper roll.

I came to a swamp that reeked of death and demonic poo.
Luckily I knew a spell that turned all the swamp water to beef stew.

However, it attracted a horde of hungry orcs and goblins.
They tried to eat me but I got medieval on their bottoms.

I disintegrated one with a magic cloud of fart.
Another was lighting bolt zapped, tore his anus apart.

There were a few others who dared against my might.
But my magic made them shit their pants in sheer fright.

The rest fled for the dark brown sanctum.
They knew I was gonna out stank ’em!


Pure Pooetry

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