It’s freezing cold tell me am I dreaming? I’ve just taken a deuce and it’s started steaming!

What’s going on…I mean what the dickens? Is it cos it’s cold or from eating peri peri chicken?

This can’t be right it never happens when it’s warmer, there’s so much steam it’s like I’m in a sauna.

And a putrid cloud has filled the air, with a stench so strong it singed my nostril hair.

Out of curiosity I stand to see, what was waiting in the bowl staring back at me.

It was black as death and in mammoth clumps, there’s no way this deuce came out my rump.

I make way through the fog, to press the flusher and vanish this bog.

Success did come… the deuce was hid, all that was left was a massive skid.