Velvety smooth my package is unloaded.
Nicely deposited, nothing has exploded.

Into the water with a very small splash.
10 out of 10, judges enjoy my soggy mash.

Now it’s time to towel off and wipe myself clean.
Proud I stand on the podium, my cheeks gleam.

I receive the golden poo trophy but I wanted the bronze.
Seems more fitting for someone who dives from Johns.