I plant my buttocks on the rim,
Look out below, here’s something grim.
The annoying sound of plastic creaking,
Rudely interrupts my fecal dumping.
This toilet seat squeaks and groans.
So loudly I can’t hear my poo moans.
Why hasn’t maintenance fixed this seat?
It’s tricky to poop to an unusual beat.
I like to shit in peace and silence.
C’mon seat, conform to compliance.
I’ll haveta take matters into my own hands.
Maybe a silencer for my rectal glands.
Or maybe I should bring in some WD-40.
Or just use poo, would that be naughty?