I’m pleased to meet you, my name is John Hazel.
I’m the detective with the sharp sniffing nasal.

I solve all my cases, none are too tricky or sticky.
Once I get a good whiff I’ll know it’s sickly.

I have a knack for catching thieves and cheaters.
There’s always a trail of filthy brown streakers.

I’m not just a PI, I’ve got a keen private brown eye.
If a target is taking a dump, you know I’m there to spy.

Walking the streets late at night I’ve got a squeaky gumshoe.
Once I get home I empty it cos it’s filled with poo.

One day you might need my services, so take my number.
But I won’t help you wipe, that’s too much of a bummer.

I recently helped an old granny catch a perverted thief.
He was stealing her stained undies, giving her grief.

I tracked him to his lair using my heightened senses.
Sniffing my way to his hideout, I discovered more offenses.

His collection of stolen toilet seats and used dunny rolls.
So I got him a job the sewerage plant, inspecting brown rissoles.