This is a tale from the dark brown depths of my past.
It is about a man who did things leaving me feeling aghast.
Years ago I had a summer job as a plumber.
My partner was this very man, oh it was a bummer!
While on the job replacing kitchen sink pipes,
He would leave his calling card… stinky brown wipes!
Hours later the customer would be preparing dinner,
Slaving away in that kitchen, cooking a real prize winner.
She’d turn on her new sink taps to receive fresh water,
Only to be bombarded by a barrage of compacted squatter!
He would laugh and brag about his antics over the lunch break,
Recalling a time he left a warm gift in an oven… a turd cake!
To his credit he had a wealth of knowledge on how pipes work.
He’d use this to play cruel tricks showing he was a real jerk.
I’d imagine him in his own time and the shit he must pull.
Prank after prank his bowel must have always been full.
We once came to blows, I feared he was out of his mind.
Poohaps it was just an evil force possessing his behind?
“CUP YOUR HANDS TOGETHER! STEAMER INCOMING!”
I could see his grip on sanity was no longer forthcoming.
I turned and fled the scene. With fear I looked back in disgust.
Flushing rage, into his back pockets both arms he thrust!
Frothing at the mouth and pants, he spat words of hate.
Revealing his hands and poised to launch, I saw my fate.
I spied with my big brown eye, something to save my hide.
Though was it too late? He had launched the brown tide!
His spinning glob of dung sped through the air, it’s aim was true!
I grabbed a plumbing pipe, bent in the middle shaped like the letter U!
The mound of manure shot directly into the pipe hole!
Holding the pipe steady by the curve, I had fine control.
Bursting forth from the other end, the shooting shit spat!
Horror filled his face as he received the incoming scat!
Impacting into his mass, the excrement exploded with a boom.
Fecal flew in all directions, his body nothing more but stinky fumes.
I can only assume he was indeed possessed on some twisted brown level.
Still today I poonder, was he evil rectal incarnate? The epitome shit devil?
Pooem dedicated to Mario!