I am thankful I don’t have anuses for eyes.
Brown weeping would dribble with my cries.

It’s a damn good thing I don’t have anuses for eyes.
Around my head there’d be a halo of buzzing flies.

Oh, the filthy dread of having anuses for eyes.
Eye patches I’d need to stock in large supplies.

When sitting on the toilet with anuses for eyes,
Close up I could watch the water flush clockwise.

But if I was like Cyclops with laser anuses for eyes,
My poo-powers would be feared by all the bad guys.

Or another power I could wield with anuses for eyes,
You’d stare into my brown eyes and become hypnotised!

Alas, the products I’d trade if I had anuses for eyes.
Kleennex for wiping shit, and toilet paper for my cries.

If I had anuses for eyes, never to see another sunrise.
Unless of course I flashed my ass to the sun, full-size.

I admit I have these gross anuses for eyes.
This whole time I was telling big fat lies.

Oh, the horror of having these anuses for eyes!
I’ve had them all along, what a surprise!

Now excuse me while I go shit from my anuses for eyes.
I have to place my head in the bowl, it’s so uncivilised.