Rushed into the loo to do number two, what do I find? The seat’s covered in poo.

I hold tight to my inner flood and try not to drop this eager pud.

The next stall is a curse, but my situation is far worse. The throne is covered with ants, I take a deep breath and drop my pants.

Reluctantly touching down I instinctively form a frown.

The little fellas climb my thighs, I know sitting here wasn’t too wise. So I blast the fecal with all haste, quickly oozing out the brown paste.

I can feel them now on my hide, still I stream brown down the porcelain slide.

This shit is taking forever, the brown snake I must sever. The ants are now seeking my treasure, mounting more and more pressure.

The last lump lands in the porcelain chair and I leap into the air. Fuck me, what a scare! To the Lord of Poo I whisper a prayer…

"Oh Lord, thank you for saving my ass."
"You know too well my butt has no class."
"I could have been eaten from the inside out."
"But you saved me, to you I am devout."

Out of the blue I feel a sudden itch, cursing my Lord I scream "You son of a bitch!" Now I’m off to drink some insecticide, hopefully to save my riddled hide.