I hadn’t taken a dump all day. Until I got home and began to spray.

Such an explosion of terrifying force. Left my sphincter feeling nothing but remorse.

A deathly smell filled the room. I guess you could say it sealed my doom.

I reached for the paper and began to wipe. There was so much excess like a leaky pipe.

I pressed the paper and could feel the slime. It was like the scene of a fecal crime.

I wiped again and it was still the same. I had no suspect to take the blame.

So I took a closer look to try to find a clue. It was a gruesome sight I tell you… this murderous fondue.

But to solve this case of fecalcide pootective work would be required. I’ll search day and night if I have to, until the clue is acquired.

Then out of nowhere something caught my eye. A small piece of pastry… perhaps from last night’s pie?

The pie I ate was very hot and contained lots of curry. That could explain the horrid smell and also the gruesome slurry.

So there we have it. The case is closed. The culprit has been found. Now to execute fecal justice and flush away this mound.