If you’re in The Forest and taking a dump,
You’ll need something to wipe that rump.

Having a wet and messy crack is just not right.
Luckily this pooem will resolve your plight.

Nature has it’s own toilet paper laying about,
So your anus won’t have to scream and shout.

Just grab a handful of large green leaves,
Brown ones are no good, they hide your unease.

Plus, they are much too dry and crumbly.
The bits get stuck, it’s the opposite of yummy!

If they’re coated in dew, you are in luck!
This provides extra cleaning of your muck.

Without any leaves, just grab a rabbit or a hare.
Their fur scrubs out chunks from your butt hairs.

And lastly you’ll need a rinse of your crevasse.
Find a natural geyser, but don’t be nervous.

Just plant your cheeks above the opening.
Bend your knees and await the soaking.

It erupts, blasting upward like a bat outta Hell.
Washing away your nasty and unnatural smell!