A blood vessel I nearly popped.
Just before these logs dropped.

Luckily my anus and I had survived.
But now my sanity I am deprived.

It all began around midday.
I felt an incoming brown spray.

Rushed to safety, cheeks planted.
Never again take pants for granted.

But the spray was a sneaky diversion.
For a monster log was a birthin’.

As it crowned I stopped breathing.
My face went red and I was a heavin’.

Vision blurred and I felt dizzy.
I told myself "Don’t be a sissy."

An extra grunt and I was seeing stars.
It might be time I wrote my memoirs.

It was around that time I blacked out.
Down south I still had the slimy sauerkraut.

A big gasp of air and I gave another push.
But this enormous log had me in an ambush.

In total there were three boulders from Hell.
One by one they made my insides swell.

One by one the boulders tore me asunder.
Thrice I was squeezed of the brown chunder.

They were finally gone, but the pain lingered.
My rectal passage was severely injured.

I must have blacked out a second time.
My last thought was of the boulders of slime.

I woke in a cold sweat, still on the warm seat.
And that is the story of my fecal survival feat.