Storming the porcelain, I’m armed to the teeth.
Nostrils raised, I detected something beneath.

My goal, it’s lackluster shine is stained.
I release a forced groan, I am pained.

My caca-canary alerts me of danger.
Surging ahead, I approach the dangler.

Though weighted heavily, it will not budge.
With a deep breath I grasp at the fudge.

If you want to be free, there is butt one way.
Though the faeces-fee is a lot to pay.

I compoose these nuggets of lore while on the john.
Victory at last! I’ve struck gold, I mean bronze!

– Theodore Poosevelt, Memoirs From The Bronatowa Mining Wars