Erroneous Beef


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Folks, I have for you a sickening tale.
About how my pants became so stale.

It’s not a story for the faint of heart…
It goes into detail of my stinky farts.

I was the victim of unusually messy circumstance.
And received a goopy visitor in my underpants.

The innocence of my drawers was stolen by this thief.
Sadly, I had an accidental unloading of erroneous beef.

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An erroneous beef dropped into my briefs.
A feeling so sick beyond all belief.

I had to waddle quickly to find safe haven.
Somewhere to expunge this mistake so graven.

A cop walking by noticed my unusual swagger.
Did he know I was concealing a doodoo-dagger?

I turned a corner and into a perfume store, I darted.
And as fate would have it, right then I farted.

It wasn’t a quiet one, it wasn’t nice and subtle.
Then I accidentally released another pants-puddle.

Three staff members shot their eyes into mine.
Like somehow they knew what I carried in my behind.

But my brown eye had closed and was now tightly clenched.
Cos my undies could not take it, they were already drenched.

And then the stink hit me and my eyes did widen.
A stench so alarming, it may as well been a siren.

They started calling security so again I fled.
Chased by the hounds, pants full of doodoo-dread.

Sprinting away, my cheeks rubbed up and down.
And down my legs ran the sickly slippery brown.

But now the security guards were hot on my heels.
But I had a plan, so another wet fart I did peel.

Not only did it give me that extra speed boost…
But it left a hideous trail of my fecal juice.

The guards slipped and slid when they stepped in my muck.
Down they went, while I continued to run amok!

Wheezing and exhausted, but finally home I had arrived.
But sadly my lower half had not cleanly survived!

Pure Pooetry

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