This damn poo is stuck like glue.
Can someone please give it a clue?

It is not wanted in my ass.
I want it out! And fast!

So I try to muscle him out.
This dirty sauerkraut.

It must be infused with a sort of glue.
Tarzan’s Sphincter Grip™, who knew?

And what of those lumps already departed?
They cling to the bowl, I shoulda farted!

But the one stuck between my cheeks…
Is like a tail and not at all weak.

I really wish I knew what I’d eaten…
So this sticky-ass poo could be beaten.

At my wits end, I stand above the loo.
I twerk and shake, gotta free this goo!

Suddenly I feel some southern wind.
A fart helped me and so now I grin.

Then a sudden feeling of sweet release.
Like a free bird, just without grease.

But what of the nugget, where did it land?
I pause a mo and clench my rear gland.

In that split second, I have a horrid realisation.
This airborn blob has a random destination!

Worst-case scenario it’ll land on me…
Could I Matrix it like Neo and Trinity?

What if it lands neatly on the seat?
Or on the floor, next to my feet!

I’m frozen still, focusing on all sounds.
Listening for hints of the flying brown.

And praying to hear a watery plop.
A hole in one for this airborn slop.

But of course, I’m not that lucky.
Something happens and it’s yucky.

You’ll never guess what has just occurred…
Back up my bum flew this stray turd!

Pure Pooetry

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