No one’s died shooting a stinky air squirt.
Yet the one I just tooted really did hurt!

It was followed by another that gave me a jolt.
My whole body shook like the San Andreas Fault.

Immediately I recognised something was amiss.
Could it have been that lunchtime fish?

I stand to attention as another trumpet fires.
I lurch toward the loo before shiz gets too dire.

The scent hits my nostrils and I think I’m gonna puke.
I make it to the toilet by some miraculous fluke.

Trousers down and cheeks squarely planted.
Never again will I take a toilet for granted!